A Course in Miracles has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride for me, since I started reading it a few weeks ago.
There have been times, like when I first opened the book, when I wondered if I would ever understand anything. There have been other times when I have been confronted by my deepest fear and wondered how I would ever be free of them, because they seemed to be part of my identity. There were times I felt so confused that my head hurt.
But there were other times, like this morning, when I felt like a weight had been lifted off me. I felt like the whole world made sense, like I was an integral part of a completed jigsaw puzzle, that, in its completion, revealed such a magnificent scene that it was impossible to describe; it could only be enjoyed.
I felt as though there was no more need for fear. But as I contemplated this, I noticed that just my reflection on the fear that I had left behind caused the feelings of fear to start to invade my body once again.
It has been an amazing journey thus far.
At one stage, I likened it to the journey I undertook when I did Debbie Ford’s The Shadow Effect online course. I felt, after that, that I had come to terms with all of my demons, but I obviously had more to discover, which I have done earlier this week.
I decided it must be like peeling an onion: there are a number of layers to be removed. Whilst some of the layers seemed to come off as easily as dry dead skin, the layer this week seemed to be more like well-attached living tissue, and the pain of its removal seemed almost as intense as I imagined such physical pain to be.
I realised that there were two basic causes of my fear, which strangely seemed to be in opposite directions to each other.
The first reason was that I felt disconnected from God and his creation. If I was disconnected from God and his creation, then I was vulnerable to attack from any number of malevolent forces – from cockroaches, to barking dogs, to lighting strikes.
This fear led me to believe that everything was outside my control, caused by someone or something else, and I was powerless to protect myself from any of my attackers.
The second fear, on the other hand, came from knowing that the first cause of fear is an error in thinking. I know that I am not disconnected from God, nor his creation. I am part of his creation, and thus part of God.
The extension of God’s love into all of his creation instils his creation with the power to create similarly, and knowing this, I must take full responsibility for everything that happens to me. God is not vulnerable to attack, and neither can his creation be. Any experience of vulnerability can only be caused by an error in thinking, and all errors can be corrected.
This second fear is an even greater fear than the first. If I can truly move mountains with my thoughts, as A Course in Miracles suggests, then such a power is scary indeed.
I have learned that it is possible to use this magnificent mind power to either project negativity or to extend God’s love. I know that I had been oscillating between the two, and driving myself crazy in the process….
Until I realised two things. The first is: I have a lot of help. The second is: you get what you desire, but only if you believe it is possible.
The Course tells me that The Holy Spirit can’t stop me from feeling fear, because of the law of cause and effect. Fear is an effect caused by my thoughts.
What I can do, though, is set my intention to release fear, and only choose thoughts that no longer cause fear. I have help with the lessons that help to realise this intention.
To get to where I am, I have had to leave behind my thoughts of disconnection, and take full responsibility for all that occurs in my life.
Here, too, I thought I had already done that. When I first read Conversations With God, by Neale Donald Walsch, I was confronted with this knowledge: “you are the creator of your reality and life can show up no other way for you than that in which you think it will. You think it into being.”
At first I was angry to learn that I had no one else that I could blame for anything. After a while, though, I thought that I had accepted my creative role in my life – but obviously only up to a point.
However, this week I have moved closer to true acceptance of responsibility for my life. Having accepted this responsibility, I have to acknowledge the power of my thoughts. Having acknowledged this power, I have asked for help with guarding my thoughts to keep them only focused on love. While my thoughts are focused on love, there is no room for fear, or the thoughts that cause it.
A Course in Miracles says that everyone experiences fear. Perhaps even Jesus did, when he asked for the cup of his crucifixion to be taken from him. But all of our fears are basically one of the two I have mentioned. Either I am separating myself from God and his power, or I am not guarding my thoughts and thus miscreating errors.
I can never really disconnect from God, and all errors in thinking can be corrected. Once we understand this, we can truly release all fears, and allow God, his angels, or The Holy Spirit to guide us on our journeys.
No matter where our journeys take us, there is truly only one destination: resting safely in God’s love.
Today’s lessons –
- Look within, not outside yourself, for the source of all your fears.
- Remember your magnificence.
- Think only loving thoughts about yourself and others.
- Remember that any errors in thinking can be easily corrected. Just ask for help and focus on love.
Image courtesy of maple at FreeDigitalPhotos.net